How to have the hard conversation

How do you know—and what do you do—when your loved one needs more help than you can provide?

Caregiver Resources
How to have the hard conversation image

How do you know—and what do you do—when your loved one needs more help than you can provide?

Talking to someone you love about the healthiest opportunities to continue living well can be difficult, especially when you are responsible for their primary care. 

Mom worries about leaving behind family memories. 

Dad swore he won’t live “in a home”. 

Your partner doesn’t want to say it, but they feel anxious about not seeing you as often. 

The feeling of not being able to “do more” can be overwhelming, and you may also feel equally concerned about your ability to continue offering the kind of care your loved one deserves.

You want what is in the best interest of your loved one because you love them. But how do you start the conversation? It’s important to consider the options, with openness and honesty, that are beneficial for them and for you. 

Koelsch Care

If our 60-plus years of experience has told us anything, it’s that people are always better together than the alternative—in seclusion. We are made for connection. So we are here to partner with you, no matter what decision you make.

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This guide can help you address the most common family interactions that can occur while discussing the future of your loved one living well. We want you to feel empowered and regain a positive outlook through healthy, productive conversations.

Q:

But you’re taking care of me so well. I’m managing because of your help.

A:

I’m glad I have been able to care for you, and we have been managing. There is a big difference between managing—just getting by—and living well. I worry about you being alone so much, and I’ve probably done a decent job disguising everything I’m doing and what it’s taking out of me. The house is too much for you to handle alone and too much for me as well. At Koelsch, there is a team of specialists who will anticipate your needs and assist with whatever, whenever.

Q:

I’m not alone, I have you.

A:

 Of course you have me, and you always will. But I can’t be here for you all the time. At Koelsch, you can spend time with people who have things in common with you, instead of depending on my schedule and waiting around for me. Besides, I miss just being your child (spouse/partner), instead of your cook, housekeeper, driver and nurse.

Q:

Could we have someone else come to help me on the days you can’t?

A:

We could, and I know that sounds like a solution, but you’d still be alone most of the time. I hate seeing you cooped up in the house when you could be out doing things and seeing people like you used to. Not only that, but the cost of having someone come in to help you on a temporary basis, plus all the living expenses you have now, would be about the same or even more than the cost of living at Koelsch with an entire staff available 24/7/365.

Q:

I feel good more days than not, and I usually remember to take my medications.

A:

I know you do and I’m grateful for that. But even one missed pill can be dangerous for your health. I want you to have even more good days for a long time. At Koelsch, whether you need to take medications with your meal or at a specific time, someone will discreetly remind you exactly which you need to take at what times.

Q:

Everyone is so old at those places. I don’t need as much help as they do.

A:

You’re right, you don’t. But you’re probably thinking of a nursing home—a facility—and that’s not what Koelsch is. You’ll have your own apartment, delicious meals and interesting things to look forward to every day. You’ll actually be more independent than you are now because you won’t have to wait around for me to help you when I can. The people who live there just need a little help like you do, and the staff is always discreet about it.

Q:

What if I don’t like it?

A:

If you don’t like it, you don’t have to stay. All of the suites are month-to-month so you can try living there with no strings attached. But I bet you’ll meet neighbors who were just trying it out, too, and ended up wishing they’d moved in a lot sooner. You won’t be stuck there, and I will come visit!

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